With you, it's always the same. The network is slow, the Internet is slow, the printer is slow...no, it's more because of what you are DOING to the computer! Do you really need 33 windows open at once?!? What do you do with all of those? And you wonder why your computer crashes all the time! You never shut the computer down, either, never check for updates, and you get all mad if one of the third shifters do that. Basic skills missing, perhaps?
Oh good. Another broccoli salad. What no hardboiled eggs today? The crunching is bad but not as bad as the smell wafting from your desk. The best part of your daily broccoli break are the farts that we all know are coming. Thank you.
The 6 of you come into the weight room dressed in your business suits all talking at the top of your lungs at the same time. Then you go to the bench and you each attempt to bench a ridiculous amount of weight with 2 or 3 spotters while screaming at the top of your lungs. Then afterwards you all scream "Yeah!" at the top of your lungs while high-fiving each other. Then you leave. That's your workout! No warm-up, no cardio, no cool down...
What's this, no open mouthed sneezing today? Oh and let's be clear it%u2019s not that you've finally decided to cover your shit, you're just not all gross and sneezy today for some reason - allergy meds? But of course, you cruel stupid man, still subject me to the nasty gum popping/chomping/chewing... stop pig!