You are supposed to be a man, yet you wear girly boots and pace. Clicking your heels like you are in some form of perpetual line dance. Whistling (poorly) away your boredom, yawning like a gorilla mating call.
You are fortunate I am not your boss, as it is evident that you are not earning your pay. You'd rather browse Internet videos instead of finding something productive to do. You are a drain on the organization and an annoying wretch. You really should be fired and sent home.
All day long you are shoving meaningless calories in your face. You make sounds like a wild boar while doing so. There are 2 women in this building who are actually taller sitting than standing! You are turning into that!!
Just because we have cubicles does not mean you have free reign to shout as loud as possible when you are on the phone. You distract the entire office with your leather-lunged roars! Then, you are constantly clearing your throat with loud, ringing, HEM--HEM--HEMMMM sounds! Perhaps because you are destroying your vocal cords with your shouting, maybe? Lower the voice, blowhard!
You are NOT my supervisor so stop suggesting how I can be more efficient to "help the team." If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask. Besides, whenever you talk to me I have to look at your ugly face and pretend like I give a shit about what you're saying. Fuck off fatty!