Just call me Maestro. I like to crank up my classical music n leave my office door open. What's more is I have 4 favorite songs which I play on loop. Not sure how my colleagues feel about it. I mean they do regularly ask me to turn it down so they can concentrate. But I think they're just kidding so I'll just go ahead n crank it back up in a few hours. Oh n if you see me walking by w/ papers folded under my arm, that's me heading to the toilet to take a huge dump that I won%u2019t properly flush
You: "This is off, why did you allocate this incorrectly?"
Me: "I was off that day, you were covering for me"
You: "Oh we need to be more careful"
NO, Ms. Perfect, YOU! And stop saying: Does it make sense to do (idea proposed by me) instead of (idea proposed by you) - YES it does make fucking sense, get your head out of your control freak, micro-managing ass!
I pray you don't get any down-time, I know it'll spell you thinking of ways to "improve" operations...and by improve I mean make useless changes to an efficient process simply because you are a control freak who needs to get involved w/ everything. Oh look, another attempt to brown-nose/show-off masked as a BS report no one gives 2 fucks about. And you're just so damn enthusiastic over your efforts! No it's not exciting, it's another one of your useless changes, stop clapping! (yes she claps)
You: *hand me over 1 half-assed sloppy report*
Me: "Don't you have like 5 more reports for me to review? Others are starting to complain."
You: "You should be lucky I did one at all!"
Me: "Oh I forgot you're paid for your delightful presence. Any actual work is a special treat"
Stop trying to impress everyone in the office & stop trying to get some attention with your loud ass phone calls on your mobile talking about football season tickets, tailgating & all the other stuff you want us to hear. Be courteous & TAKE THE DAMN CALL OUTSIDE OF THE OFFICE! WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU & your stupid life! You're disruptive! We have a life of our own! Your behavior reminds me of a teenage girl. Be a man! Stop being a little bitch or are you really a female in a mans body! GO AWAY!